Hi I’m the governor of a large Republican state
I’m your neighbor with the “come and take it” flag
And you better not step on our precious snake

Hi I’m the congressman with the dollar signs in his eyes
I’m the quiet boy flipping your burger tonight
And have I got a little surprise for you guys!

It’s my archaic right
To watch you through the sight
Of my AR-15 that I bought online
And I just learned to drive

I read the news today oh shit the libs’ll pitch a spitting fit
When they hear about the completely legal purchase
Of the rifle that killed all of those kids again

But don’t touch that dial
‘Cause in a little while
There’ll be a news report
Another school somewhere
We’ll send our thoughts and prayers
‘Cause those clearly worked before

We know how to fix it
But we’re never gonna fix it
We’re beholden to just 27 words
Maybe you heard of them?
“Gun control’s a waste of time”
Now there’s a party line we can get behind!
We got a blind eye for those kids who died
And some KY for the rifle pipeline

Hi! We’re the American Republican arrogance
Yeah we got a problem but why should we take care of it?
That’s a hard pass
Let’s kiss the NRA’s ass
And fly our flags at half-staff until we die

You’ve seen others observe a pattern in the splatter
And they’ve shown that it is easily fixed like this
And yet we still think it’s a Rorschach test
With just too many unknown causes to list that we’ve missed

Hey what’s the matter?
It’s just a splatter pattern
We’ve all seen blood before
Sure they were just little kids
But will they really be missed?
They’re like Doritos
They’ll always make more

We know how to fix it
But we’re never gonna fix it
We’re beholden to the Devil himself
Maybe you’ve heard of him?
This is my rifle and this is my gun
This is a crate full of sea mines and oozies I won
By donating the most to the Ted Cruz campaign
Nice to meet you! Won’t you guess my name?

We’re the American Republican negligence
Yeah we got a problem but why should we take care of it?
That’s a hard pass
We’ll kiss the NRA’s ass
And fly our flags at half staff
And don’t forget your clear backpacks class!
Flags at half-staff until you die