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Dr. Haircut

from Confuseograph by United Shapes

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lyrics

Dr. Haircut blew into town on a parade float made of cocaine
He hopped right into the mayor's wife's lap
And planted a big fat smooch on her face
He said, "You'll never believe it love
I've got one more trick up my sleeve
And I'll give you a hint
A fine chicken supper with gravy and trimmings
And a dance with this ol' gent if you like"

Then he was dressed in tails and heels
And couldn't give enough sex away
He spun thricely and outrightly surprised the
Mayor's wife who might've heard him say:

"I'm Dr. Haircut
I'm Santa's warm lap
I'll lie kitten-quiet in a basket of naps
I'm Dr. Haircut
I'm chocolate and wine
I'm a minty-fresh kiss wrapped in glittery twine
I'm Dr. Haircut
I appear in the stars
In a ballgown of glowing bedazzled chiffon
I'm Dr. Haircut
When it's time for bed
I'm a cup of warm gin and a pat on the head"

Well
The mayor's wife just lit a cigar
And blew smoke rings in the doctor's face
She said, "I've seen the stars
Whoever-you-are
And you're a constellation I can't place

You're Dr. Haircut as you say
But I don't know
I hate to stop you there but
I've got to go
The hypnotic swirling of your glass eyes
Is a sight
That's right
And if I were a different kind of girl
I think I might
You say you'll kitten-quiet
But I think you won't
So sell that to cats who'll buy it 'cause
I think I don't"

credits

from Confuseograph, released February 10, 2023

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United Shapes Austin, Texas

United Shapes are an alternative pop/rock duo formed in 2004 in Austin, TX by Joseph Devens and Drew Cave. New studio album Confuseograph available 2/10/23 on Flim Flam Records.

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