Thank you Audrey
Always a pleasure
How would I go on without
Your constant heckles and threats
If you’ll excuse me
Forgot to mention
That I’m sleeping at your house
And talking down to your pets
Hey now Audrey
Tell me a secret
Drill a hole into the wall
And watch your dad while he works
Peccadilloes
Your dad’s got dozens
Everybody in the town
Knows what he’s doing in there
She loves me
She loves me not

Something tawdry
All dressed in leather
Drinking coffee ‘til I vomit
Such a terrible flirt
Wrapped in plastic
Dumped on the beach
Now everybody’s going crazy
Keep my mind on my work
Who’s that hiding
Out in the bushes
Keeping tabs on everybody
With binoculars on
3-D glasses
And coconuts
I’d call for backup but I’m scared
Of what they’d do when they come
She loves me
She loves me not

Damn good coffee
And apple pie
I’m feeling weirder every minute
And I’d like to know why
Bachelor party
At One Eyed Jack’s
Spent all my money on French hookers
And some more apple pie
That chalk outline
Looks kind of like me
But I don’t think that my body’s
Ever been here before
Is that Audrey
Behind the wall
Or is her dad playing with miniatures
Sprawled out on the floor
She loves me
She loves me not

Hey now Audrey
I get the message
We can talk about it later
When I’ve gotten some sleep
And done my laundry
And had some coffee
I should thank you ‘cause your helpful
But your kind of a creep
So thank you Audrey
Always a pleasure
You can touch my arm
And look at me with sad puppy eyes
Got to go now
But I’ll be back
To solve your murder
When this town decides that you need to die